Friday, July 09, 2004 @ 11:08 PM
how should i start with today?!in short...*DISAPPOINTED,SAD....*i saw him today...not of all days but todaY!!
in the afternoon~ i saw one of his classmates-->alvin while i was making my way to the atrium and he told me that my "bf" is at BLK 79 or where doing some preparations for the BIT freshies in welcoming them to NP...when i heard it...all i did was to act as if i'm not concern which made alvin asked me why arn't i like heck him like that...all i said was:"oh..maybe u should ask him..he noes it better than me~"that's when i realised that most of his friends didn't noe wat really happened to us~actually...i really wished to see him...i dunno why also...
on my way to BLk 81 for lecturE..i saw more of his classmates again....they were all busily tidying up the place at BLK79 for the preparations i gueSs..again~i tried to search for him but there's not even a sight of him...leaving disappointed, i hardly got any mood during the lecture...nonetheleSS...i managed to struggle through the whole lecture and headed to the atrium for the ambassador recruitment's game session...i walked pass BLK79 again...this time round..there were lotsa people around...though i didn't get to see him,i could somehow feel the presence of him there...
over at the game session... i tried hard not to think of him and let myself be happy cos i need to express my actions and enthusiasm in order to let them have a better impression of me....didn't really had much fun during the game session cos i jus felt that the people there are jus so hypocritical which really turned me off..
the worSe moment is heRe...germaine and i was waiting for bus at the bus-stop..by then i was already very tired...saw shawn..[AGAIN!!one of his friends too...]he was with a bunch of guys..initially thought it was his friends whom i dunno...suddenly~my phone rang...it was kelvin who called me..asked me where i was..naturally..i'll try to look around to see if he's ard too tt's y he called..god noes!!he's jus beside shawn!!at that moment...i took a better glance at who's in the group..and i saw him--->my eX...he wasn't facing at the angle where i was sitting...in my heart..i was like:"oh shit!!" and i told germaine abt it...dunno y i hide behind germaine too...the urge of tears falling was there too~i'm sure he'd seen me...it's my intuition...finally~our bus is here...i forced myself to board up the bus pretending as if he wasn't there...germaine noes how i'm feeling and she asked me not to look over at him..however,i still chose to look...cos i jus want to noe if he'll look baCk...he didn't...not at all..from his reactions..i noe he's trying to avoid me...i'm sAd..very Sad and devastated...there were tears in my eyeS~germaine told me to be strong..have to hold it baCk no matter how till i reach home...i listened to heR...on my way home..tears were still rolling ard my eyEs...till i reach my bathroom...i sat down and cried....FM88.3 was broadcasting jay chou's song..."gui ji" ...i felt so hopeless....so weAk.....not knowing wat i should do...crying was the best solution i could think of...
haiZ~i noe he's not worTh for me...friends all asked me to forget him...it's a waste crying for him..for someone worthless...i noe it...but i jus can't help it...simply becos there's feelings given out for him...i loved him once... sob sOb!!
